[ dean eases down to sit with him, and jack's watching him intently, taking in the words and letting them soak into his mind. everything he's learned about life he's learned like this, in quiet moments with one of the winchester men (castiel included in that count), confusion and frustration bounding around inside his chest while one of his dads talks calmly and perhaps a bit sadly. this world he was born into has so much sorrow, so much pain, and so little you can do about it without hurting someone else. it's complicated and messy and he still doesn't understand it all most days, but he's trying. all the same, he nods, swallowing thickly. ] I understand.
[ jack worries that maybe he never will understand it all. maybe he'll lose them all too soon and won't have anyone left to tell him about the world anymore, to hold his hand through it and guide him and forgive him when he gets it wrong, support him when he doesn't know how to forgive himself. there's no telling who he'd have become if this family didn't find him. ]
I wouldn't hate you. I can't. [ he doesn't have it in him to hate any of the three of his dads, and after the nature of his birth, jack's more likely to hate himself than hate anyone else for dying so he can live. ] You guys are the only reason I got to live at all.
[ kelly died for him to be born, but sam, dean and castiel protected him, took him in, raised him, taught him how to be human, how to be a hunter, how to be worth more than what power he has and where he came from. he couldn't hate dean for letting michael beat him, but he'd miss him like a lost limb, like a piece of his soul was carved out and thrown away. the thought sends a shiver through him and jack pulls the blanket tighter around his shoulders. ] How'd you keep going, after your dad was gone? You had Sam, right? Maybe I need a brother...
[ go adopt another teenager if you're going to be kicking the bucket soon, dean. ]
( it's only slightly comforting to hear that jack wouldn't hate him, because, frankly, it would probably make dean feel better if he did. jack may be alive thanks to the winchesters, but there was still a time in jack's early life that dean wasn't so sure he should be alive. he doesn't want to think of the possibility of that paranoia being right. all they can do is do their best, raise him in the only way they know how, and hope to be better fathers than their own.
he's just beginning to consider jack's question when the kid practically throws him a curveball. )
Whoa, okay, slow down. ( he's definitely not adopting anymore kids anytime soon. at least, not on purpose. (although, is it ever really on purpose with them?) ) This ain't the kinda talk I signed up for. You want a brother, you go talk to Sam. ( patron saint of wayward children, sam winchester. anyway. speaking of sam. he clears his throat, chasing the lump down with beer. you know, a completely healthy and normal coping mechanism. ) 'Course, we did have each other, yeah. But it wasn't always a picnic in the park, even with Sam around. Hell, he almost made it worse.
( he shakes his head, recalling those days when sam was on his case about "not dealing" with dad's death (sure, he was right, like he usually is, but it really is a wonder they didn't end up killing each other) or when sam suddenly started taking dad's teachings seriously, turning them on dean as if he didn't know dad's mantras and rules backwards and forwards, better than his own fucking hand. he remembers, more clearly, how much he'd wanted to die, and stay dead, because that's how it should have been. because it should have been him, and not dad, and yet somehow sam managed to convince him otherwise. sam, the one worth living for. the one worth staying alive for. )
So don't go summoning my spirit after I'm gone when he starts to drive you crazy. ( he says it like it's inevitable, because in a way it is, but there's a lightness to his tone of voice, almost like it's supposed to be a joke. maybe it is. ) Between Sam and Cas, though ... you'll be alright.
[ dean's near abject horror at the thought of picking up another adopted child pulls a laugh from the kid, jack smiling wide and snickering, pulling his mug of beer up to his lips to take a sip, and keep himself from laughing too much at dear old dad. it's the kind of joy like this that means the boys did damn good raising this kid - the fact he can laugh so easily, smile so freely, while talking to them about his fears and worries. there's been more than enough trauma in his short lifetime for a child to want to cave in on himself, but they raised a good kid, a happy kid, despite it all. one that can even tease a man that once wanted to kill him. ] I don't think you signed up for me either.
[ he's pretty sure dean told everyone, loudly, that he did not sign up for babysitting the anti-christ, as it was put, which feels so far away from them now. it's hard thinking of dean as anyone but his family, someone who's risked his life to keep him safe. adopting wayward brats is apparently just a thing that happens to the winchester brothers and their pet angel, and it's a damn good thing. they were the only ones looking to pick up jack for jack's sake, rather than what he could do for them, and there's no telling what kind of miserable life he would've led if they hadn't. ]
What if it's summoning your spirit's on accident? Like with Cas and the Empty. [ On Accident, dean, can you really get mad at him if it's On Accident, hmmm? this said carefully as he peers over the rim of his mug, brows arched. ] I can't stop what I don't know's happening, right?
[ is this how he can get away with bringing his dads back if they get themselves killed (again)? he just has to figure out how to invite an accidental power use, since, you know, he's a fucking terrible liar. even the little half smirk he's wearing when he asks is already nearly giving him away. ] Anyway, last time you disappeared, Sam grew a bread. It was a really sad beard.
[ don't let bad beards happen to good people, dean. don't make jack suffer through it. ]
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[ jack worries that maybe he never will understand it all. maybe he'll lose them all too soon and won't have anyone left to tell him about the world anymore, to hold his hand through it and guide him and forgive him when he gets it wrong, support him when he doesn't know how to forgive himself. there's no telling who he'd have become if this family didn't find him. ]
I wouldn't hate you. I can't. [ he doesn't have it in him to hate any of the three of his dads, and after the nature of his birth, jack's more likely to hate himself than hate anyone else for dying so he can live. ] You guys are the only reason I got to live at all.
[ kelly died for him to be born, but sam, dean and castiel protected him, took him in, raised him, taught him how to be human, how to be a hunter, how to be worth more than what power he has and where he came from. he couldn't hate dean for letting michael beat him, but he'd miss him like a lost limb, like a piece of his soul was carved out and thrown away. the thought sends a shiver through him and jack pulls the blanket tighter around his shoulders. ] How'd you keep going, after your dad was gone? You had Sam, right? Maybe I need a brother...
[ go adopt another teenager if you're going to be kicking the bucket soon, dean. ]
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he's just beginning to consider jack's question when the kid practically throws him a curveball. )
Whoa, okay, slow down. ( he's definitely not adopting anymore kids anytime soon. at least, not on purpose. (although, is it ever really on purpose with them?) ) This ain't the kinda talk I signed up for. You want a brother, you go talk to Sam. ( patron saint of wayward children, sam winchester. anyway. speaking of sam. he clears his throat, chasing the lump down with beer. you know, a completely healthy and normal coping mechanism. ) 'Course, we did have each other, yeah. But it wasn't always a picnic in the park, even with Sam around. Hell, he almost made it worse.
( he shakes his head, recalling those days when sam was on his case about "not dealing" with dad's death (sure, he was right, like he usually is, but it really is a wonder they didn't end up killing each other) or when sam suddenly started taking dad's teachings seriously, turning them on dean as if he didn't know dad's mantras and rules backwards and forwards, better than his own fucking hand. he remembers, more clearly, how much he'd wanted to die, and stay dead, because that's how it should have been. because it should have been him, and not dad, and yet somehow sam managed to convince him otherwise. sam, the one worth living for. the one worth staying alive for. )
So don't go summoning my spirit after I'm gone when he starts to drive you crazy. ( he says it like it's inevitable, because in a way it is, but there's a lightness to his tone of voice, almost like it's supposed to be a joke. maybe it is. ) Between Sam and Cas, though ... you'll be alright.
no subject
[ he's pretty sure dean told everyone, loudly, that he did not sign up for babysitting the anti-christ, as it was put, which feels so far away from them now. it's hard thinking of dean as anyone but his family, someone who's risked his life to keep him safe. adopting wayward brats is apparently just a thing that happens to the winchester brothers and their pet angel, and it's a damn good thing. they were the only ones looking to pick up jack for jack's sake, rather than what he could do for them, and there's no telling what kind of miserable life he would've led if they hadn't. ]
What if it's summoning your spirit's on accident? Like with Cas and the Empty. [ On Accident, dean, can you really get mad at him if it's On Accident, hmmm? this said carefully as he peers over the rim of his mug, brows arched. ] I can't stop what I don't know's happening, right?
[ is this how he can get away with bringing his dads back if they get themselves killed (again)? he just has to figure out how to invite an accidental power use, since, you know, he's a fucking terrible liar. even the little half smirk he's wearing when he asks is already nearly giving him away. ] Anyway, last time you disappeared, Sam grew a bread. It was a really sad beard.
[ don't let bad beards happen to good people, dean. don't make jack suffer through it. ]