[DEER] Deerly Beloved

[sinnabon]

deerlyBeloved: rosemarysbaby Don't let the late-teens look fool you, this wide-eyed Bambi is an actual infant, and a walking supernatural nuke easily bribed by affirmation, belonging, and Star Wars. He now knows what dating is. Still bad at it.

( jack kline | 2 (two) | male | who the fuck even knows )

Comments

[sinnabon]

Of course not. If I were one I'd be a baby, and that'd be ridiculous.

[ HAHAHA wait, what is this?

give him a second to inspect where this message came from and what it says and not just dive straight into "WHAT'S A GHOST, GHOSTS AREN'T REAL, HAHAHA, I'M NOT SUSPICIOUS".


well darn. ]

Oh.


Yeah, I'm one.

It's complicated.

[acidwashjeans]

Age really isn't that complicated. You're born. Every time a year goes by, you get another year.

You look like, what? Sixteen?

[sinnabon]

Okay.

I was born a year and eight days ago.

Most people assume I'm a teenager.

[acidwashjeans]

But you can't actually be that old. Babies can't type.

[sinnabon]

But I am that old. And I can type.

I can reach the top of the refrigerator too.


Does that make it complicated?

[acidwashjeans]

That makes it weird, okay.

[sinnabon]

So age can be weird, but not complicated?

[ he's taking notes. ]

[acidwashjeans]

No. Yes.


That fact that you're even asking that is the weird part, okay?

[sinnabon]

I think it's a lot weirder for you than it is for me.


When I was born, a lot of people wanted to kill me or steal me. My mother said it'd be too dangerous for me to be a baby.

So, I grew up. [ tadaaaaa. ]

[acidwashjeans]

[ .......................... ]

You aren't crazy, right?

[sinnabon]

I don't think so.

How do you tell?

[acidwashjeans]

[ ........ a good question ]

God, you really are like one year old.

[sinnabon]

And eight days.

[ the eight days are important, ok? like how half an inch is important to short people. ]

[acidwashjeans]

The eight days aren't important.

[sinnabon]

You can learn a lot in eight days.

I figured how to use the internet in four. Watched all of Clone Wars in six. And I learned how to open a gate to Hell in three hours.

[ and he still can't tie his fucking shoes. ]

[acidwashjeans]

A gate to what now?

[sinnabon]

Don't worry, I closed it.

So what does the star mean? This one.

[acidwashjeans]

No. You said you opened a gate to hell.


What the actual fuck?

[sinnabon]

I did, for a minute or two. I thought I was saving people.

But I was also four days old at the time.

[acidwashjeans]

Okay.

Be straight with me. No lies.


What are you?

[sinnabon]

I

don't know if I'm allowed to tell you that.




Hold on.

[ he needs to get one of his dads' permission for this, okay, the rules about when they lie and when they don't are really weird and he still doesn't get them. ]

[acidwashjeans]

What, you need a permission slip from your mom?

[sinnabon]

[ we're going to pretend he's texting while climbing stairs, because sam's player is asleep right now, thx. ]

Dad, or, one of them.

Sometimes we have to lie to people, usually to keep them from learning that things like ghosts and monsters and demons are real. But it seems like everyone here already knows that.

[acidwashjeans]

[ more than one dad


does this kid have gay dads???? steve has so many questions ]


Most people don't know monsters are real, I guess.
I know they are, I fought a couple of them back home.

Are you one of those? Like a monster?

[sinnabon]

[ my dude, it is worse than that. there are three of them, two of them are brothers, one of them is an alien. angel-alien, but mostly alien.

somehow, somehow, there have been two whole 23 episode long seasons worth of canonically referring to them as his three dads and no one has made the gay joke yet. welcome to spn, steven, the questions never stop.




as for this very legitimately troubling question he has just been asked, though, the wave of blunt oversharing actually stops for two seconds, and all steve gets, after a lengthy pause in transmissions, is: ]

I don't know.